A Fresh Start

It has taken me 47 years and eleven months to figure out who I am, what I am, where I am.  I’ll be 48 in two weeks.

The journey has been long, and has been enlightening, it has been painful, harsh at times, and has had much joy, and happiness at other times.  But it isn’t until the past few months, that I have truly felt blessed, felt at peace, felt that I know who I am and am content.

This transition, or transformation, has come with some pain, not only to myself but to others.  But if I did not make this change, I would have suffocated, drowned, in the despair I was feeling.  I made a decision, that affected many.  Some feel it was selfish, but in all honesty it was self preservation, maybe that is selfish, I guess I really don’t know.  As a result, there was growth—emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically.  As a result, I believe I am a better person, stronger person, more generous person.

Much of my final healing process is due to a few people.  My children, who have offered love, support, understanding through a difficult time, where I should have held them up, they held me up;  a friend struggling with life long illness who continues to inspire me with her words, her attitude, her generosity, her faith, her love; an old friend, rediscovered, who turns out to be a new love—kind, generous, caring, gentle.  I am not underestimating the power of my other friends, family and neighbors, who have been supportive, caring, and open to the changes I have made—could not have done this without them. 

Too many of us go through life not extending a hand, not noticing a sorrow, I am happy to say I have many in my life that do not fall in that category.  I hope I do not fall in that category. 

Whether it’s the blink of an eye, a smile on your face, your hand brushing against a cheek, or a warm embrace, reach out, touch someone.  It appears to me, that is what is missing from today is too many of us are caught up in our own sorrow and not looking beyond ourselves, not seeking more, not feeling the true happiness that is within reach.   When we look beyond our own grief, our own loss, we can truly be content, at peace, happy.  And we hold the power to pass that on.